For all my go get them positivity of yesterday… today has been a very different day. I cannot even tell you, or myself, why. It started innocuously enough with a trip to the vet’s for B&S. Then I received a couple of fantastic parcels and whatnot. But that wasn’t related. Progressively, I found myself slightly adrift. Needing [or so I was telling myself] to do something about something, except I knew neither the former nor the latter. When it got to the point of making dinner [honestly, if we can call rehydrating soya mince with stock made out of a kettle as making dinner], I felt on the verge of tears.
But they were very specific special tears… because not all tears are created equal. It isn’t so much sadness or grief or pain that makes me cry but anger. Yes, I cry when I am really angry. I feel this surge, the proverbial red mist, and my eyes start going liquid and I want to scream.
In actual fact, I just end up staring into the bowl of soya mince, seething in silence, slowly stirring the stock and wondering why oh why do I get to eat this shit and why am I even this fat by eating this low-everything shit.
I don’t know, no answers from me this evening my dear reader. Sometimes life sucks for reasons we know very well but we cannot bring ourselves to name. Naming them gives them such an ugly permeance that makes everything worse.